I have to tell y'all about my adventure the other day in ohio and indiana. The day started out like any other day in the eastern time zone in this great country of ours, at 4a.m. Yep yours truly does get up before the chickens believe it or not! Well once in a while, mostly i like to start my day around 6 or 7a.m. But i digress, i loaded out of a coil facility in northwestern ohio figuring the delivery was only 200 miles southwest of me and my reload was only 90 miles away from there. Load the coils, drop the coils, and load the big ass limestone blocks for home. Easily done and in my own sleazy manner to boot.......ya right! I sit in line behind the other flatbeds and covered wagons for roughly an hr and a half, just for starters. When i check in with security they ask me if i have beveled 4x4's, that's right BEVELED 4x4's!!!!! Now i ask y'all who has ever heard of beveled 4x4's when hauling coils? I asked this question to the "nice" security guard and was informed that i would be loading "prime" coils. Is there such a thing as non prime coils? I was directed to a local hardware store to purchase four brand new 4x4's with one corner cut off to prevent damage to the coils. Cost 40 bucks, not a big deal cause i was figuring that my lady could use them to build a nice planter box in the yard somewhere. (See the power of positive thinking folks, look at me, look at me) I returned to the fine coil facility after purchasing my 4x4's, beveled to protect the product, and the fun began.
After confirming that i indeed had the required material to load these precious coils, did i mention waiting 2 hrs for the hardware store to open? The security guard starts going over the rules for the facility. And i had a question...big mistake. This ignorant rent a cop bitch puffs out her chest stands up to her full 5' 6" height and tells me "sir, all questions can wait until i have completed this overview it makes it easier". Now i don't remember paying this fat waste of my time and her flesh the $10 for the guided tour of a p.o.s. coil facility in butt fuck ohio and their shitty regulations. I told her very politely that if i had questions, i would ask them, and expect an answer post haste (at this point please refer to the previous post and the comment about nice til the asshole must come out, this is one of those times parents keep your little ones away from the computer if you continue reading, you've been warned) Believe me folks i had questions, I made curious george look like a satisfied well educated scholar! She told me i must have a long sleeve shirt and long pants on at all times while on the property. To wich i asked if i roll up the cuffs my shirt would they still be considered long sleeve cuz it is a nice shirt given to me by my lady for christmas and i didn't want to ruin it. The security guard told me no i was not allowed to roll up the cuffsof my shirt and she didn't give a damn if it was a gift or not, being a profesional i should be prepared for any and all customer regulations when it came to doing my job. Well i just got told, or so she thought tee hee. I was then informed that after loading i was allowed to use two chains per coil to secure them before leaving the loading area. To wich i replied that my personal preference and regulations stated quite clearly that the driver cannot move the truck until the coils are properly secured. She told me that my company rules do not apply on her property and i would do it their way period. Uh huh ya right, i informed her that once loaded i would gauge the safety of moving with only 2 chains on the coils and if she didn't like it she could kiss my ass!! The next regulation was that i would be allowed 10 minutes that's right 10 minutes to tarp my coils and get off the property. I asked said fat cow how I was suppose to tarp a load of coils in 10 minutes when it would take at least that to properly pad and protect them from getting ripped by these "prime" coils they would be covering? To which the embarrassment to her parents replied she didn't care as long as i was done in the time allowed. Needless to say my tarping took an hour and a half to complete and my oh my did it look pretty if i do say so myself! The next stop on this waste of time tour was the rule that once tarped proceed back to the security gate to receive paperwork. After receiving paperwork i was to leave the property altogether and no parking in the driveway or on the side of the access road exiting said property. Wellllll you guessed it, i left 8 imprints of bridgedstone low profile 22.5 tires installed with pride at the peterbilt plant in denton tx all over the grass on the side of said access road. You see the pushing 300 pound tub of lard didn't have a phone number for the receiver in Indiana so i had to call the broker that my broker got the load from for a number. Not to mention my loaded call to my broker. Fast forward 10 minutes and phone calls made, and log book properly up to date (i may run like an outlaw but i aint stupid about it folks), I put the truck in gear just as shamu was waddling her ass out of the security office presumably to tell me that i was breaking the rules by sitting there. Time to leave beautiful Ohio and fly down to Indiana for phase 2 of my fucked up day.
Now when i called the customer in Indiana i got a breath of fresh air and much respect (which in my world means EVERYTHING). The gentleman on the other end of the line answered the phone and as soon as i introduced myself the first words out of his mouth were "what can i help you with sir"? Getting my directions and window of delivery from this nice man i put Bad Intentions in the wind and strolled rather sleazily down to Indiana for delivery. Again fast forward 3 hrs ( yes a lot of fast forwarding in this one, i hope y'all got a good grip on my coat tails so you can keep up). I roll into the customer for delivery, parking off to the side of the driveway to check in properly like the professional that i am. While doing this my truck was passed by a stupid, in a bigger hurry than everybody else steering wheel holder. After rolling up my tarps and putting away all my padding and equipment i walk in and ask the receiver how i am to pull in to unload when this embarrassment to all professional truck drivers pulled around me to but in line. Folks it's rare that you will see the red color of rage slowly climb up out of a persons shirt collar and peak at their forehead causing steam to come out of the ears like in the cartoons but i swear by whatever gods exist it happened. In a fit of righteous indignation this man stalked out to the other truck and told him NOBODY cuts in line on his watch and get his lazy inconsiderate ass to the back of the line NOW! The receiver then apologized to me for the bastards rudeness and told me to pull in and unload. Needless to say the day started fucked but as i left the customer in Indiana i thought that maybe in the end it may have been worth it.
I hope y'all found this rather long winded post as entertaining to read as the people that got to hear about it first hand did.
Until next time i remain as always your humble servant,
The wandering gypsy
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